


Fitting In

by shatterthefragments



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary!Sam Winchester, Sam-Centric, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 07:11:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4426157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shatterthefragments/pseuds/shatterthefragments
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warning that there is some questioning, and since Sam doesn't come out to their family, there is some misgendering, but not very much.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PuppiesRainbowsSadism](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuppiesRainbowsSadism/gifts).



> Warning that there is some questioning, and since Sam doesn't come out to their family, there is some misgendering, but not very much.

They toy with the "limits" a little... longer hair, clothing items taken from where the male and female racks meet so that nobody can really tell if they choose some items from what most would assume to be the opposite of their gender. They don't feel like they fit in... for any reason. They're already the outcast of the Winchester family... they have a hard time making friends of any gender or fitting in with the stereotype of what most people think is what is "proper" for the "two" genders. 

 

* * *

 

Once, when left all alone for a while, they've tried to masquerade as a girl... Samantha. Flat-ironed hair with a skirt and makeup from where they were shoved in the bottom of their bag - it didn't feel right. Their hair fell a little too far down their shoulders... it was unfamiliar, though Sam thought that they would not mind growing it out longer.   
During this time, Sam heard the insults thrown at them and other female, or female appearing, people. They didn't get what was so bad about being a female, after all, humanity depended on the existence of women. But even if it wasn't a bad thing, it didn't feel right, so Sam shed the personality of Samantha before Dean and John came back, leaving it behind them as they left the town.

When Sam tried to be a boy, it also felt off. No amount of masculinity posturing or trying to subscribe to what most people thought that a boy should be would change that. When people referred to them as "he", it gave them a weird feeling that they didn't quite understand.

That night, when Sam felt a tear roll down their cheek, they thought, briefly, "Boys don't cry," a mindset ingrained into them by John Winchester himself, but another tear came as they struggled to come to terms with maybe, they _weren't_ a boy, as everybody else saw them. 

 

Even if it seemed like everything was hopeless at times, Sam knew that something they were absolutely phenomenal at was research.  
So research Sam did.

Books didn't wield much. There was nothing in the non-fiction of most of the small libraries in the small towns that they passed through.

In one of the towns, Sam had signed up for time on one of the computers. They had started to eliminate thing after thing of what it was that could possibly be wrong with them.

"Him?" Sam thought absently, but no, Sam had never thought of themself as a "him". They returned to their research.

A couple search entries in, and Sam found a website... [nonbinary.org](http://nonbinary.org/). Which they read through. Then lead to the [wikia](http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Main_Page). Then to each of the links displayed on the site.

They didn't realize that their time had run out, attention completely involved with what they were reading on the screen. It was such a relief that Sam wasn't the only one who felt like they did, and they came out of that library feeling much better about themself.

Walking with their head held high, filled with the wealth of knowledge that they had just discovered, Sam felt like they were a "they" and fit under the umbrella term "nonbinary". They felt like that was what described them best.

And when John had called his boys out to leave, it stung, but Sam had finally gotten a grip on who they were. 

And when they left John and Dean to go to Stanford, an additional jab was shouted. 

**"No son of mine leaves his family to go to school!"**

But Sam didn't turn around... just kept walking, thinking to themself _"I was never your son."_


	2. I Think An Ending Happier Than What It Was Is In Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jess!

When Sam got to Stanford, it was a more open atmosphere. People shared things and it was friendlier.

But the real highlight was Jess. 

She was amazing. 

They had only been on a small handful of dates, and Sam felt like they could share with her.

And when they told her, she just hugged them after saying that she'll always support them.

It changed nothing, Sam was themself, and they fell in love.

 

And Sam finally let go of all their worries about fitting in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so short, I just felt like it was a separate chapter.  
> Thanks for reading it!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!  
> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> I do not know when nonbinary.org came of existence, let's say it existed when this took place.  
> Also, I apologize for any mistakes I didn't catch. Feel free to let me know if you find any.  
> As I, myself, am not nonbinary, please let me know if there are glaring mistakes that I should correct.


End file.
